


Georgiana Darcy's Diary

by Endangered_Slug



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: And avoid her Aunt Catherine, Gen, Georgiana just wants what is best for her brother, Modern times, This is what happens when I procrastinate, and also do her therapy homework, because I want to, diary format, limited pov, mentions past underage drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 08:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endangered_Slug/pseuds/Endangered_Slug
Summary: Georgiana's thoughts and opinions as she watches her brother spiral through the events of Pride and Prejudice.





	Georgiana Darcy's Diary

**Author's Note:**

> It seemed funny at the time.

 

**Monday September 9**

11:13 a.m. Therapist suggested I start journaling to help me deal with what happened last year and “get out my feelings instead of drinking them.” I mean I know the drinking wasn’t the best way to cope with my sense of UTTER FAILURE and humiliation and heartbreak, but I also don’t like the idea of scribbling things down in this… diary? Journal? Whatever. I’m gonna see if I can find some kind of app to use instead of carrying around a notebook everywhere. _So_ retro and not in the fun way. Besides, notebooks get lost and there’s no password to open them up. And with notebooks, I mean you just flip the cover open and all of your secrets are right there for anyone to read. Ah ha. No thanks. I’ve had enough of secret spilling to last me a lifetime. And you know how Fitz gets. He’s like Mad Eye Moody. CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Trust no one. Only drink out of your hip flask. Well, I _tried_ that and it landed me in rehab and therapy and this “homework”.

I also really don’t want to think about it.

11:15 a.m. Still, I should give this a try right? I mean I see their point, writing things out and all that? It wouldn’t hurt. But not on paper. Bad for the environment.

11:23 a.m. Therapist says it doesn’t matter where I write things down just so longs as I do. But then she also said it wasn’t mandatory so what _is_ the truth?

12:39 p.m. Found a nice app that looks easy to use. I guess.

 

**Monday September 23**

3:52 p.m. I forgot I was supposed to be doing this. Therapist said it was fine, but when I told Fitz he just gave me this look of utter disappointment because I wasn’t jotting down every thought that occurs AS it happens and now I have guilt.

3:55 p.m. So then, once I break out my app and show my brother that no, I don’t need like 20,000 notebooks thankyouverymuch. I have it handled, _FITZ._  You don’t have to treat me like a _baby_ , FITZ -- he reads the thing about Mad Eye Moody and he gets this kind of twisted, annoyed expression on his face that makes him look _just like_ Aunt Cat and it’s so off putting that I ran upstairs and now I’m here writing everything out LIKE I PROMISED.

4:00 p.m. I know the only reason why he’s irritated with me is because he’s always seen himself as more of a Sirius Black type than anything. Which, no. Dude’s a Neville Longbottom for sure. He even had a pet frog once when he was little. It was before I was born, but I’ve seen pictures of it.

4:01 p.m Still funny though. Mad Eye Fitzoody? Definitely gonna be his Halloween costume this year.

4:03 Aunt Cat would totally be a Death Eater lbr.

8:43 p.m. I’m not the youngest person at my AA meetings anymore and I find that truly sad. Not because I’m no longer the youngest, but because I’m not the youngest and I know those are the same words, but they mean two different things if you see what I mean. I’m 19 and he’s… well, he’s younger.  

8:45 p.m. Forgot to mention I got a pin tonight. Go me.

 

**Thursday September 26**

4:37 p.m. Charles Bingley showed up, sister in tow. And I thought Fiz and I were co-dependant, but we’re not even close to the level of dysfunction on display whenever Charles and Caroline are over. It’d be gross if I didn’t know for a fact that Caroline is practically drooling for a chance to get with Fitz. Which is _also_ hella gross, but not like in the Game of Thrones kind of way. Still, it’s like Charles isn’t allowed out of the house by himself. I wonder if he still has to hold hands when crossing the street? Even I’m able to go wherever I want without supervision because I’m an _adult_. I almost wrote “allowed” instead of “able”, but Fitz has never once tried to forbid me from going anywhere. I think he knows I’d ignore him and go somewhere EVEN HARDER just to prove I can.

4:42 p.m. That said, I just don’t feel like going anywhere. Obviously I’m still hurting from the whole Wickham being the literal scum of the earth and then drinking to forget _thing_ , but I’m just tired. I mean mentally. I’m still unpacking all of that and sometimes it’s just hard going to the grocery store or, getting out of bed. Besides, my bed is super comfy and the grocery store delivers. I never have to leave ever again if I don’t want to.

4:46 p.m. That’s okay right?

4:53 p.m. God I don’t want to go back downstairs. Caroline insists on being my friend and asking questions I don’t want to answer. Fitz would stop her, but she always ALWAYS starts in on me the moment he leaves the room and I don’t want to tell him because I can handle my own problems.

4:55 p.m. By staying in my room and avoiding the temptation of smashing Caroline’s face in with Great Aunt Seraphina’s ashes.

4:56 p.m. Her ashes are in this heavy, carved out marble urn and it could do some serious damage to her nasal cavity. In case you were wondering.

 

**Monday September 30**

2:16 p.m. Funny how I only remember to write in this on days when I have therapy. Was assigned some special reading. I don’t want to.

2:19 p.m. I mean I _will_ but only because Fitz nags me inCESSantly if I don’t follow through. Heaven forbid a Darcy show weakness.

2:30 p.m. You couldn’t see but I totally rolled my eyes there.

5:25 p.m. Charles invited Fitz to go camping with him or something? Not totally sure what the deal is; all I know is they’re going to Hertfordshire somewhere. Remind me to look that up. I think Charles is building a house. Or he’s bought a house? I wasn’t really listening. I was too busy watching Caroline try to catch Fitz’s eye with some Olympic level posing. Have never seen a person try to be in _another_ person’s sightline in quite that way before. You know how like when there’s a dog in front of you but you’re eating a cheeseburger? But the dog is STARING AT YOU? And drooling? So then you turn your back so you can EAT in PEACE? But the dog just follows your every moment so they can STARE and STARE and STARE until you drop the damn cheeseburger just to make it STOP? That’s Caroline! And Fitz was the cheeseburger! OMG. She’s got him all wrong though. He can ignore the hell out of you if he thinks you’re being a pest. ASK ME HOW I KNOW. What she needs to do is pick up a book and read it. Fitz says he likes “smart” women, but _I’ve_ seen his Tinder app.

5:29 p.m. Only because I _made_ his Tinder account.

5:30 p.m. Which Fitz doesn’t actually know about. Yet. But in my defense, I was drunk and thought it was hilarious at the time. Obviously it’s not all that funny.

5:31 p.m. Looks like I’m back to Step 8 again.

11:49 p.m. Confessed: to Fitz. Apologized: again. Deleted: the Tinder account that he didn’t know he had. Feel: like shit. He was surprisingly okay about it all. He also thought Caroline was being ridiculous and we had a bit of a laugh.

12:07 a.m. Fitz asked me if I wanted to go to Hertfordshire with them, but I hate camping. And I don’t feel like socializing much. The Bingleys are nice -- well, Charles is and I guess Caroline is okay, too, but they’re just so mUCH alllllll the time. I know I’d wind up killing them all in their sleep. It’s for their own health and safety that I declined Fitz’s charming offer. Told him to bring me back a souvenir. I fully expect to be five pine cones richer when he comes home because what else is there in Hertfordshire?? Also, I have my meetings to go to. And my therapy.

 

**Monday October 14**

6:07 p.m. I’d gotten so used to having Fitz home that it’s weird having dinner all by myself again. When I was little, after my mom died and my brother was still at uni, I used to eat with Mrs. Reynolds, but it’s just me here now and I feel like I’m intruding when I pop my head into the kitchen like I did just now. No one seemed overly thrilled to see me so I just pretended I needed the mustard and left. And now I’ve made everything weird because we’re having fish tonight and no one puts mustard on fish. No one sane that is.

6:16 p.m. Took my plate up to my room and downloaded the book my therapist wanted me to read. So at least I’m being productive. Whilst I eat. Alone. In my room.  

6:17 p.m. Pretty sure Fitz locked up all the booze in the house. Also pretty sure I can pick that lock. Also, it’s my house too. Not like they’re going to arrest me for breaking into a room in my own house right?  It’s not even breaking in, it’s  _unlocking_ which is a very different thing legally speaking. Hang on, Fitz is calling now. HOW DOES HE KNOW???

8:28 p.m. Just got off the phone with my brother. He’s in a town called Meryton which sounds like a place a Hobbit lives. I’m glad he called when he did because I was thinking things I maybe didn’t have full control over. But that’s passed now. I can handle it. The urge to have a drink I mean. It never got really bad. I wasn’t arrested or like splashed on the front of a tabloid. But I can definitely tell I was heading in that direction. I’m glad I stopped. I just wish-- never mind.

8:30 p.m. I wish I never let myself get this bad. I think Mom would be so disappointed.

**Tuesday October 15**

5:25 p.m. Sometimes I hate my name. I mean I’m named after my FaTHER, which is a special kind of cruel when you’re 13 and your classmates connect those dots for the first time. But then I remember that my parents named my brother _Fitzwilliam_ and I immediately feel better. It could always be worse. Always. This doesn’t have much to do with anything, but he’s out there now, all by himself in a strange place, getting ready to meet new people and he’s not at his best when he’s meeting people. I’ve witnessed it myself and it’s sooooo embarrassing sometimes. He gets all... Stiff and weirdly formal as if he’s suffering through a job interview and the entire FATE of the WORLD rests on his shoulders. I know he’s just going to stand there like a stump while Charles goes about and dotes on EVERYone, and Caroline… I don’t actually know what she’s like around new people. But I bet she won’t be far from my brother, who, among his many, many quirks, is very self-conscious about his name and explaining the reasoning behind it (short story: it’s a family name. We even have a part of the family whose LAST name is Fitzwilliam and that’s totally fun when we all get together.) and there’s always that ONE PERSON that absolutely HAS to bring up the meaning of FITZ and its history as if _we didn’t know that already._ And also, that’s what we call him by instead of Fitzwilliam, which is a HUGE mouthful, and THAT means, essentially, we’re calling him The Little Bastard like all the time.

Also, he has a thing with crowds. And people in general. He says he doesn’t like people he’s not used to but how do you get used to people unless you make an effort to get to know them? I mean it, how? Because that’s not how people work. Not in my experience.

So I guess they aren’t camping because what campground has socials? Unless they went to CAMP!! That would be hilarious. Camp Bingley! It would be a ton of fun I bet though. Bingley should totally start a camp for kids, he’d rock that shit. No, no, wait, it’s October. Obvs not CAMP. Or camp _ing_. Wait. What _is_ he doing in Meryton anyway?

10:21 p.m. Well, that went as expected. Asked Fitz if he had a good time at the whatever and he did nothing but complain about the people he met (note: tally of people telling him the etymological history of Fitz is now a whopping 294. I should get him a plaque to commemorate it when he hits an even 300. No, a pin. I know he’s jealous of mine. Kidding. He’s not. But he was very proud so... ) and how he spent the night just TRAILING Bingley like a puppy (his own fault) and how Caroline didn’t move from his side the entire time (... might also be his fault) and then Bingley went and danced with the only pretty girl there (Where is this place that they hold DANCES?) and _then_ , when I asked him what she looked like, he got really quiet for a moment before wishing me a good night.

I think I should have gone with them.

10:30 p.m. No really, WHO holds dances now? I want in on that.

11:52 p.m OMG did they crash someone’s HOMECOMING??

 

**Wednesday October 16**

5:12 a.m. Can’t sleep. And apparently, neither can Fitz because he called me just now, which, hey! I just figured out the reason why I can’t sleep and it’s The Little Bastard’s fault! It’s too _early._  Spent several _long_ , useless minutes dissecting the meaning of the word “tempting” and the various connotations it might have depending on context. Hint: there really only is one way to take it. Something is either _tempting_ or it’s _not_. It’s literally that easy! Did they have an all night Scrabble game? Can Charles read? What is this? Did it really require calling me up at five freaking o’clock in the MORNING?? REALLY?? When my brother has kids, should anyone be deluded enough to procreate with him, I am gifting that child an espresso machine and a trumpet. Or a kazoo. No no no nononono, one of those slide whistles. BlooooOOP! BLOOOoop! Or all three. Birthdays _and_ Christmases -- covered.

And now I keep trying to picture my brother at some random Homecoming and I’m never gonna get back to sleep am I? Was Bingley his date or Caroline?

10:34 a.m. After silently debating with myself if I should just get up and start the day (ha!) or bring forth that famous Darcy determination and _will_ myself to sleep. Willfulness won out and I just woke up. Gonna kill Fitz when I see him again, but my one, burning question is: was he voted Homecoming King or nah?

10:56 a.m. Dear Mr. Coffee, you are the only man in my life who understands me.

11:34 a.m. Talked to Mrs. R about Christmas decorating and she broached the subject of letting Pemberley be a part of the house and garden tour this summer. I have some memories of this and I’ve seen pictures of the house all done up for the season. It was kind of a big deal I think? We used to be famed for our gardens and our massive private art collection. And by “we” I really mean the gardeners and the people who actually do the work around here I don’t want to say servants, but that’s what they are and man that’s kind of uncomfortable. I think I used to take them all for granted, but now that I’m here all the time -- dear god it’s all the time isn’t it? -- I’m beginning to see all the work they do. And how little I do. Is this some kind of spiritual awakening I’m having? Should I see a doctor about it?

Told Mrs. R I’ll talk to Fitz, but I think we should do it. I mean why not? It’ll be fun and it’s not like the whole house will be on display. Just the really impressive bits.

I think we’ve mourned enough. I didn’t know our parents as long as Fitz, but I don’t think they’d want us to sequester ourselves like this. We shut ourselves up just as much as the house when they died and that certainly didn’t do any good. Look at us. I’m a teenage (recovering) alcoholic and Fitz is… well, unless you’re me or maybe Hugh, he’s like a brick wall. That’s just as unhealthy as drinking away your problems isn’t it?

Also, I’m going to see if Mrs. R will teach me how to do my own laundry. Not because I want to do my own laundry, but I think I should probably know how? But first: where IS the laundry room?

2:49 p.m. Fitz texted some pictures of the countryside and in the background is this massive house so they are definitely NOT camping. It looks pretty (not as pretty as Pemberley, but I am biased) and of course, there’s Caroline AND their sister Louisa and HER husband... Shoot. What’s his name? I’ve met him like a hundred times and I can’t remember his name? How awful of me. Wasname Hurst, Lou’s husband. OH god, I’m the WORST. Whatever. Oh hey! You know who should be in AA is Wasname. I swear he’s drunk every time I see him - which isn’t all that much tbh and never since my “unfortunate, little slip up”. But he’s still in denial that he has a problem and I’m sitting here ROCKING my steps.

Fuck. I’m back to Step 6.

Asked him about opening the house up this summer and he wasn’t immediately opposed to it, so I’m taking it as a yes. And I told Mrs. R to go ahead so it’s a done deal. It’s not like he’s home all that much so the only person it’ll inconvenience is myself and all of our… employees.

8:24 p.m. Spent all day with Mrs. R, who showed me how to do laundry (something I regretted _immediately_ , but I suffered through. Darcy pride strikes again.) and then we went over the initial plans for the summer garden thing. She was almost quivering with excitement over it. I think she takes more pride in our house than I do. I guess that makes sense since she pretty much runs the place and I’m just the one living in it. She went to the back and dug out some old gardening plans from like decades ago. The garden is still pretty much exactly as it was. Fitz didn’t change anything, but now that I’m seeing how everything’s laid out (on paper I mean. I obviously know how’s it’s laid out in RL because I’ve been in our garden lots) I think I see where we can make some improvements.

So now, here’s my dilemma: do I just go ahead and make these changes or do I wait for Fitz? It’s kind of _my_ project now isn’t it? It’s my house too right? I should be able to make these decisions? Unilaterally? Or is that too much since he, technically, also lives here. Not that he’s home all that much. He was here all the time after I came home from rehab, but he’s starting to regain his social life -- such as it is. He was reclusive to begin with, he became practically a hermit before Charles came by last month.

What was I saying?

Oh! Garden plans.

Not gonna change everything, but I do like the idea of a secret garden. Something private and not like obvious to someone just casually going through. I want it to be something you discover after a long, meandering stroll.

And I want it to have a tire swing.

Mrs. R says the garden can be started, but it probably won’t be ready for this summer as the plants will need time to grow. I think that’s a metaphor. I mean she was definitely talking about the plants, but I can see how it applies to me, too. I need time to grow. I _am_ growing. I am _still_ growing. I might be ready by summer, but I’ll be fine if I’m not…

Does that make sense?

9:36 p.m. Informed Fitz of my plans as if they were a done deal (they are, but I wanted to give him the illusion he had a say) and he was quiet for the longest time. Thought we lost the connection, but he was just thinking everything through. Surprisingly, he was fine with it all. I mean like completely fine. He said he was proud that I was taking charge (lazy ass didn’t want to do it himself? Is that why Pemberley’s been off limits?) and that it was time we opened the house back up.

Duh.

Also told him about my secret garden thing and he said it was a brilliant idea. You can’t get better praise than that. I can’t wait to get started! Maybe the gardeners will let me help?

 

**Thursday October 18**

7:12 a.m. Monthly pee test. I think I can be done with these now?

 

**Wednesday November 13**

5:24 p.m. I’ve been getting some weird texts from Fitz: “kill me now.” “Oh god help.” And my personal favorite: a gif of Spongebob panicking - on a loop. He’s not answering his phone. Did Caroline trap him into a marriage proposal? Should I mount a rescue? Mrs. R would drive me.

6:03 p.m. Googled the distance from Pemberley to Meryton or where ever they are and we can be there in three hours if we don’t stop to pee. If Fitz doesn’t answer his phone in ten minutes I’m going to get him. He rescued me once, I can rescue him. Fairsies.

6:29 p.m. THAT IDIOT IS BEING AN IDIOT BECAUSE SOME WOMAN IS IN THE HOUSE? IT’S NOT EVEN HIS HOUSE WHY IS HE BEING AN IDIOT?? God!! And I was so worried he was being held hostage when in reality he was just being a big baby. What’s the big deal? Is this the girl that Charles was dancing with? The only pretty one? JERK! Who says that out loud?

6:56 p.m. The pretty one IS in the house, but that’s not why he threw a wobbly. He SAYS. I’m not one to jump to conclusions, but I think my big brother is lying to me. I think he has a crush.

 

**Friday November 15**

2:23 p.m. Pic from Fitz shows a nice pond AND the partial profile of a woman who is NOT Caroline OR Lou. Is that the pretty woman? You be the judge. (she seems to be from the LITTLE I CAN SEE OF HER)

2:24 p.m. Another pic, but it’s of his boots? WTF?

3:58 p.m. Got clarification. Woman in photo is NOT _the_ pretty girl, but her sister. NO pic of original pretty girl. But also no pics of Carolina or Lou so it’s a win.

4:15 p.m. Got sucked into another debate over word meaning. This time “picturesque.” My brother is such a dork.

 

**Tuesday November 19**

2:18 p.m. Strained phone call from Fitz, but, as usual, he didn’t tell me what was wrong. Only asked after myself and if I was okay. I’m fine. I mean I think I’m FINE. Really and truly fine. Hard to get that across to Mr. Bossy Boots though. He sounded sad and irritated and… tired. But I am fine.

I think journaling has helped. Who knew?!

Well, journaling, AA, some intense therapy, and my stubborn big brother who refused to give up on me. That’s what helped.

Fitz offered to come home, but I didn’t want him to leave Ms. Pretty Girl (still no name??) because she is literally the only person he’s ever shown an interest in… I honestly can’t even remember. I try to not think about my brother’s love life -- so gross -- but I don’t know when his last serious girlfriend was.

Maybe he’s gay.

I should tell him I love him no matter what just in case he’s holding back for my sake.

2:47 p.m. Apparently he’s _not_ gay. I’mmmmmmmmm not so easily convinced. He sounded... strained when we spoke. LIke he was trying to swallow an entire lemon. That was set on fire. But, if there’s one thing I learned from therapy, it’s that you can’t force an issue. If he wants to pretend he’s straight, I’ll roll with it. And when he finally decides to come out, I’ll roll with that, too. He’s my brother and I love him. No matter what.

2:55 p.m. Maybe this is why he never went out with Caroline?? I thought he just had standards.

2:56 p.m. baaaaaaaaaaarf!

 

**Monday November 25**

5:27 p.m. Therapy was brutal. Up ‘til now we’d discussed mostly my parents dying when I was little and Fitz having to take over the parental role while trying to stay in college at the same time and how there was no one really here for me annnnnd the whole thing with Wickham which is what landed me in therapy in the first place (okay I know I can’t blame him for my actions, but I don’t feel like taking responsibility right this minute. Right this minute I’m blaming HIM), but today we talked about Cindy Younge and her role in the whole THING THAT HAPPENED. I mean Cindy and Wickham were my _friends_. At least I thought they were, which is where I was ABSOLUTELY DELUSIONAL. Turns out they were both two-faced, backstabbing douchenozzles.

Anyway, Wickham was more Fitz’s friend -- they nearly grew up together (OMG HOW DID THEY TURN OUT SO DIFFERENTLY??). He was always around for as long as I could remember. Just this guy who’d hang out with Fitz. His dad and our dad were like besties or something idk. He was even named after our fath--- oh god. He was named after MY FATHER. _I_ WAS NAMED AFTER MY FATHER! What! The! Hell??

Think my therapist would take an emergency call? How do I unpack this?

6:30 p.m. Therapist DOES take emergency calls and I did NOT pick the lock to the study. Yay me. Did, however, go to the kitchen and eat three-quarters of the cheesecake Mrs. R was saving and now I feel sick and disgusting AND I have to explain to Mrs. R why there’s only a bit of cheesecake left.

6:45 p.m. Still feel like hitting something so I signed up for a kickboxing class. I have a lot of pent up aggression to let go.

7:18 p.m. Forgot to call Fitz today which sent him into a blind panic. NOt sure why, we don’t usually talk every night? Though we do usually speak when it’s my therapy day so maybe that’s it.

Told him about kickboxing and he gave this little laugh and suggested I also look into Judo. I mean that’s fine, I like the idea of beating people up in more than one martial arts discipline.

 

**Tuesday November 26**

1:29 p.m. HUGE thing going on over at Bingley’s tonight and Fitz is being a bitch about it. Doesn’t wanna go. Then he does want to go. Then he wants to stay (pout) in his room. Doesn’t want to “intrude.” (HE IS STAYING IN THE HOUSE, HE IS ALREADY INTRUDING) Told him to just come home if he’s so unhappy there, but THEN he’s like, “no I can’t leave Bingley in the lurch.” What lurch? The guy’s throwing a party, not getting married.

What a drama queen. Man needs to chill tf out.

Offered to come out and be his emotional support person but then he’s like, “NO! WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT COME HERE” and ended the call. Then he called me right back and apologized for hanging up on me.

Do you think he’s ashamed of me?

2:43 p.m. Therapist said I shouldn’t jump to conclusions and to use my big girl words to just ASK Fitz what the problem is. Aha hahahaha. Ha! Hahaha! As if it’s that easy.

4:29 p.m. It is that easy. Apparently, Wickham’s in the same town? What are the odds. Are we being stalked? How is it possible that in this ENTIRE country, they both wind up in the same stupid small town at the same time?? Either way, Fitz isn’t leaving now that he knows that fake ass snakehole is lurking around there. I dunno. I have mixed feelings. On one hand, hurray, that shitheel is on the other side of the country. On the other hand, I think Fitz should leave him the hell alone. He can’t protect me forever. But now I know why he’s been in a mood lately. It’s not Pretty Girl (he says Charles is head over heels for her), but the walking pile of dog poop in human form. It really does explain everything.

Also, I’m going to go see how much money we can liquidate in a hurry. Just in case I need to bail him out.

1:54 a.m. Stayed up late on instinct knowing that Fitz was going to call me and I was RIGHT. Just got off the phone with him and he’s a wreck. Also, a bit tipsy, which isn’t like him? Wickham didn’t show up (proves he has at least some brain cells to rub together), but I know Fitz and Fitz likes to brood on things like no one’s business. I mean the guy is like professional level brooder. He could give _lessons_. Go on a world tour where he does nothing but stare out of a window and blame himself for like everything.

And I’m the one in therapy. Go fig.

But there’s no denying the man is down about something and I don’t think it has anything to do with me or Wickham or work. I think he’s feeling lonely. NOT THAT HE WOULD TELL ME THAT HIMSELF. No, I have to extrapolate and use my context clues to piece this shit together. Christmas is coming. Gonna get the big baby The Art of Talking to People. I’ve heard it might help.

8:43 a.m. At the same time, now that I’ve had some sleep and coffee, I’m thinking he is lonely. I can’t help with that though.

 

**Sunday December 1**

12:28 p.m. MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS TO ME! Fitz is heading back home! He sounded weird on the phone. I hope he didn’t get sick.

 

**Monday December 2**

4:19 p.m. Therapy went okay-ish. Broached the subject of my brother’s loneliness and also the possibility of his maybe being gay and was told that it wasn’t my business. I mean that was a professional opinion and all for which I paid $150. I know she’s right, but I still don’t like watching him suffer. At least not when I’m not the cause of it. Baby sister’s prerogative and all.

After that, we talked about my goals for the future and the summer garden tour. Therapist said it was a good start. Yay me.

 

**Wednesday December 4**

3:10 p.m. Fitz is acting really weird.

 

*****

 

**Sunday March 22**

9:07 a.m. Aunt Cat’s HOUSE OF HORRORS?? REALLY FITZ?? WHY would he want to go there voluntarily? She’s just gonna talk his ear off about how wonderful she is and how perfect Anne is and how her darling baby girl could have done anything she wanted if only her health wasn’t so bad. Sweet Anne. Perfect ANNE. NEVER DOEs ANYTHING WRONG ANNE. OH if ONLY her DELICATE constituTION would LET HER do ANYTHING outside of your VIRTUAL PRISON of A MANSION. WOMAN! There is nothing wrong with that girl you birthed that your ridiculous helicoptering and unwarranted sense of moral superiority didn’t cause. Fitz asked if I wanted to go with him. HAHAHAH! No! If I have to listen to another word about Anne Miss Perfect De Burgh I will literally jump out of one of Cat’s NUMEROUS windows.

Besides we’ve broken ground on the new garden and I can’t leave. I have decisions to make and people to consult. I am very, very busy for once. AND??? I am ROCKING this kickboxing thing. All that negative energy? Goes straight from my gut through my arm to my FIST. THink I _will_ check out Judo. Or maybe something that involves sticks. Big sticks. Big sticks to hit someone with.

 

**Monday March 23**

7:42 p.m. Though it is pretty strange having the house all to myself again. Is it weird that we have this gigantic house and it’s just Fitz and me? What do we need all this space for? It’s not like our family is growing at all.

8:02 p.m. I can tell Fitz is already regretting his visit to Aunt Cat. I could have told him that and saved him the anguish, but does he listen to me? Nooooooooooooooooooo. Sheesh. He did manage to rope Hugh to go with him so it’s not like he’s without backup. Hugh’s one of the Fitzwilliam cousins and he’s cool...ish. He’s been out of the country for a while, but now his military service is up and he’s still deciding what he wants to do. NO doubt Cat will tell him her opinion on the matter. Many times and at length. Do not envy them at all. Their own fault -- I feel no sympathy for them.

 

**Tuesday March 24**

3:19 p.m. Monthly drug test.

9:24 p.m. Fitz is being weird again, but this time it’s the opposite? Like he’s almost giddy, but in his own restrained kind of way, which only he can pull off really. I can tell that he wants to have fun but he absolutely refuses to allow himself so he winds up standing there with a stupid look on his face, glaring at anyone who crosses his path.

Beginning to think he pays Charles to be his friend. Or maybe Charles is a Fitzwilliam Darcy savant or something. Or, no, he’s the Fitzwilliam whisperer. He can get the man to socialize under the most extreme conditions (example: that house party Charles threw AND managed to get Fitz to attend at the SAME TIME).

Oh! Speaking of, still no word about Pretty Girl. I STILL DON’T KNOW HER NAME. It figures Fitz would just sit there and pine and suffer IN SILENCE. I mean I know she’s not with Charles so why is Fitz not doing anything? Is this some kind of Bro Code thing? Fitz can’t go after the girl he likes because his friend once liked her a bit? But that’s dumb. Charles isn’t WITH her. He’s never mentioned her and he’s still as single as Fitz… is…

Are they both gay?

I mean they could be and Charles would make a great brother. AND THE LOOK ON CAROLINE’S FACE WOULD BE EPIC!  I am SHIPPING IT!

But I don’t think Charles is gay. I’ve seen him around women, the man is a HOUND. Still on the fence about Fitz.

 

**Thursday April 9**

3:27 p.m. I don’t know what the hell Aunt Cat did to him, but Fitz is near tears and I’m going to STAB HER IN THE SPLEEN with a THOUSAND TINY TOOTHPICKS IF SHE MADE HIM CRY. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong (BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE START TALKING TO ME NOW?), but he did tell me that he loved me. And asked if he was really that bad of a person which… WHAT THE HELL? What? The ever-loving HELL?? Fitz is the BEST person in the world! I know I complain about him, but that’s just because he’s my brother and he does stupid things sometimes, but that doesn’t make him a bad person. Who ELSE would take care of me when Mom and Dad died? Who ELSE would take me BRA SHOPPING instead of having a babysitter take me? And who ELSE would not even FLINCH when I got my period and we were out on the boat and it was LITERALLY SHARK WEEK FOR LIKE THREE WHOLE HOURS UNTIL WE MADE IT BACK TO THE DOCK?? Who ELSE would track me down when I went crazyass nuts? Who ELSE would stay by MY SIDE while my whole world fell apart? Who ELSE would make sure I got care and saw the right people when I tried to drink my problems away? Who ELSE would give me the time and space while I figured things out?  Who ELSE would let me dig up the back yard just so I can have a SECRET FRIGGIN’ GARDEN because I just decided one day that I wanted it?

I would have died without him and that’s not my naturally engaging hyperbole speaking. I was self-destructing and he saw it and dragged me out of that spiral before--

He’s not a bad person is what I’m saying.

Why won’t he let me help him in the same way? Do I need to get a bat? Because I will GET a bat and I will USE that bat on whoever hurt him.

7:19 p.m. He’s coming home tomorrow. Two weeks with Aunt Cat is just torture anyway I don’t even know why he even attempted it. Did he lose a bet? Does he hate himself that much?

I think I’ll put up the blanket fort. He sounds like he needs it.

 

**Saturday April 11**

10:24 a.m. He’s been home for fourteen hours and he’s spoken maybe seven words to me. He looks like he’s been put through a people-sized rock tumbler and spat out wet. He looks like someone took his favorite pair of shoes and then ATE THEM IN FRONT OF HIS FACE. He looks like he’s been verbally slapped up one side and then berated down the other. With a cheesegrater if that makes any sense. It does to me.

He says it wasn’t Aunt Cat, but he also didn’t say WHO so I’m drawing my own conclusions.

He’s huddled up in the fort downstairs, staring at the shadows on the sheets. He’s pretending that nothing’s wrong but I’m not stupid. Everything’s wrong. I wish he’d tell me what.

 

**Tuesday April 21**

9:32 a.m. STill not talking to me about what happened at Rosings and now he’s taken to haunting the halls of Pemberley like the Ghost of Fitzwilliam Past. Just wandering around LIKE A DORK with a shell-shocked stare. Caught him glaring at HIMSELF in the mirror this morning, but he startled like a friggin’ DEER and wandered away. Probably went to go find a fork to stick in his eye. WHat happened to my brother?

I texted Hugh last week and he didn’t know exactly why Fitz is being such a pain weasel, but he did mention a girl that was at Rosings at the same time. Is this a resurgence of Pretty Girl? Or someone new? I don’t know BeCAUSE Hugh is just as silent as Fitz is. But he’s also a terrible gossip so if it WAS this girl then he’d have spilled everything. Seriously, I have no idea how he made it through the army when he tells anyone ANYTHING.

11:43 a.m. Fitz is in his natural habitat: staring out of a window whilst brooding. Snuck up behind him and played My Heart Will Go On, but he only sighed and gave me this LOOK and I felt terrible. I was so sad for him that I tossed my phone out the window.

Thank god the rhododendrons broke its fall.

1:19 p.m. It’s official: he’s lost his sense of humor and I am now stuck with strange ass RoboFitz instead of my actual brother. Also, he’s wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday. I think he slept in them.

 

**Thursday May 14**

2:10 a.m. NOTE THE TIME. I am up because I spent ALL NIGHT with Fitz trying to talk him into cheering up WHICH I KNOW DOESN’T WORK, BUT I WASTED MY FOOL TIME ANYWAY BECAUSE I LOVE THE BIG DORK. He STILL hasn’t mentioned a THING about Rosings, but the other day I caught him with a copy of Unfuck Your Life in one hand and highlighter in the other. I just slowly backed out of the room before he saw me and do that thing where you think you’re caught doing something naughty, but it’s not really naughty you just think people will judge you? That’s pretty much Fitz all the time now. But, I did manage to make him smile for a bit, too. That was nice.

I also gave him the number to the other therapist that works in the same office as mine. I think he’s depressed. And that makes me depressed. And now we’re both like two shades haunting Pemberley.

Oh! But my garden! It’s doing the thing! I love it so much.

 

**Tuesday May 26**

8:20 p.m. Fitz is acting like a weirdo again. He swung from utter depression to manic and now he’s trying to spend EVERy, Waking. MINUTE with ME. I can’t do this. I love him, but he’s hovering and I don’t respond well to that. He’s getting involved with the house and garden tour (OMG IT’s in FOUR DAYS!! So mUCH TO DO!), but he keeps coming to ask me my opinion as if I’m some kind of expert? I’m not an expert. I’m waist deep in getting the final plants in my secret garden (LOOK AMAZING!) and I don’t have time for his needy bullshit. If he wants to help he can grab a spade and help me plant things. If not, GO AWAY OMG! I AM BUSY!

Omg he just came in and asked if I wanted to play Monopoly? I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME?

 

**Thursday May 28**

5:20 p.m. Fitz has reached the anger stage of whatever thing he’s going through. He won't. stop. staring out of the window and I almost forgot what his full face looks like. Told him that I decided to get a neck tattoo. His idiot head whipped around so fast that he got a crook in his neck and now I'm sitting with him in the chiropractor's office listening to his god-awful sighing about how he'll be alone forever. Well DUDE, how are you supposed to meet anyone if you DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE?? Note to self: buy noise cancelling headphones.

Have to go. Putting the final touches in the garden for the big day! So nervous and excited I feel like I might throw up.

 

**Friday May 29**

6:19 a.m. Once again Fitz has, like, absolutely lost his ever-loving mind. All I did was ask him if he invited anyone for the garden launch tomorrow (I thought maybe he would and then we could all have a nice dinner or something like grownups do?) and he turned right around and slammed the door to his room. He's in there now groaning to himself about fine eyes. What?? WTF is wrong with him? Fine. If he wants to sit on his stupid ass all day long and ignore the world then I’ll let him.

7:12 a.m. NO, I WILL NOT LET HIM. IMMA DRAG HIS SORRY ASS OUT INTO THE SUNLIGHT IF IT KILLS ME.

 

**Saturday May 30**

10:25 p.m. So. tired. So tired. But holy moley it was amazing! We opened the garden -- and by open I mean people other than myself and the gardeners went into it. And I know it’s brand new and the plants aren’t mature and the privacy hedges are more like suggestions than reality, but people got the idea and we were complimented on it and the rest of the grounds looked SO AMAZING and people SHOWED UP! They did! Like, in droves! And I saw people I haven’t seen in years come by and they all said how much they missed the house during the summer and how ABSOLUTELY LOVELY it was to go through the gardens again and I swear it was all worth it just to see and talk to them again and I feel like maybe I did something really really good this time. Like this wasn’t just a vanity project (FUCK YOU WICKHAM!!) but it gave actual people actual pleasure just to walk through the gravel paths and sit in the shade and watch friggin’ BUTTERFLIES float around on the breeze. And there were professional photographers taking pictures for magazines and lifestyle blogs and--

Even Fitz was out and about and on his BEST behavior (which is stiff and formal and super uncomfortable looking until he loosens up) but I got real smiles out of him and by the end of the day he was laughing with the woman who lives two houses down and we haven’t spoken to her except in passing for AGES. I think he had a good time.

So exhausted though. More about everything tomorrow. Now I need mah SLEEP.

 

*****

 

**Saturday June 27**

2:18 p.m. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mystery solved somewhat. Apparently, his little trip to the country with Charles  (REMEMBER THAT?) wasn't as tedious as Fitz told me. APPARENTLY, there was a woman. And not Pretty Girl, but SOMEONE ELSE?? APPARENTLY, she totally turned his world upside down last Easter when she just SO HAPPENED to be visiting her... cousin? friend? Am super confused on that but whatever, she was visiting *someone* while Fitz was visiting Aunt Cat ( I *KNEW* he wasn't just being a good nephew.) KNEW IT. HAd to have been a reason and this reason APPARENTLY has fine eyes

Seriously though, fine eyes? Is he for real?

I wish I’d gone now. I want to meet this mystery woman.

So… ?? So, I guess something happened between the two? He wouldn’t say what it was, but he _did_ say it was his fault, not hers. I can easily believe that. Not that I think he’s horrible, but he does have a tendency to bungle things up when he’s nervous or intimidated. He’s only really eloquent when he’s around family (other than Aunt Cat who won’t let anyone else other than herself be eloquent. REALLY, FITZ? Why even try at Rosings? You were setting yourself up for failure) and certain friends he’s known forever (FUCK YOU WICKHAM)

But now I know the reason behind the weirdness and omg all the self-help books he’s been reading. NO WONDER! Holy crap, he’s improving himself. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic.

The garden and house (the "public" part) are open today. STill drawing a nice sized crowd. I don’t mingle with them as much as I did in the beginning, but I do like watching from the windows every now and then. I can see a family out by the pond and they brought a picnic! How cute!

Oh god am I turning into my brother? HELP!

 

**Friday July 3**

9:53 p.m. It's been two years, but it still hurts. Fitz has been by my side all day long doting on me and I don't know if I want to kill him or hug him. I'm over Wickham, but it's nice knowing my big brother still wants to flay the jerk alive you now?

 

**Tuesday August 4**

11:54 a.m. OH HO HO!!! you will never ever guess who is visiting RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. In our house. See??? I told Fitz that there was no reason to keep this stupid big house all to ourselves. Public days would be a BENEFIT to our COMMUNITY. And you know who's sitting in our parlor? (SHE IS IN OUR HOUSE!!) NONE OTHER THAN MISS FINE EYES herSELF. Her name's Elizabeth and she's effectively reduced Fitz to a wibbling mass of goo. I love her already.  (Also, she’s Pretty Girl’s sister!) Must dash -- made up some excuse about a shawl so I could write this down as I wanted to remember this feeling forEVERRRR. I don’t even OWN a shawl. I mean-- he SMILED. A real one! How amazing is that??

2:48 p.m. Pretend I'm whispering. Fitz just invited Elizabeth BACK. As in, voluntarily asked her to be in his presence for an extended length of time. WHAT?? When did we land in Bizarro world? He must really like her because he hates strangers coming to the house being all up in his bubble. His bubble used to extend all the way to Leeds or something, but NOW he's got Mrs. Reynolds cleaning everything (I mean pick up a duster yourself, DUDE) and he's fretting because he comPLETELY forgot how to function as a HUMAN BEING. Did the only thing a loving younger sister could do: I took a thousand pics as he threw every stitch of clothing out of his closet and then threw HIMSELF on top of it all. When did Fitz suddenly become a 16 year-old girl? And since when did he own a paisley shirt? Did he go through a disco phase? Are there pics?? He's curled up there now, groaning into his hands again. BRB must prop him up emotionally speaking.

3:36 p.m. It's all sorted out, not without some moaning and groaning on his part. Seriously, the man is SUCH a drama queen. Picked out something casually elegant for him to wear tomorrow. Something that doesn't make it look like he's trying too hard, but also says “I want you to look at me like I'm a chocolate covered oreo and you’ve been on a diet for three years”. That's... really disgusting. Do NOT want to think about my brother like that. But honestly the man is hopeless. Did try to get him to wear the paisley shirt but he just glared at me then told me I have no sense of feeling. Whatever. Then I made him pick up all the clothes he tossed out of his closet because there is no way I'm letting Mrs. Reynold's do it for him. He can man the fuck up.

7:00 p.m. Great. Caroline's here, too. _Why_ ? And Charles, but I mean I like _him_. THey’re STAYING? Weren’t they just here?

 

**Wednesday August 5**

12:29 p.m. The way Fitz and Elizabeth have been eyeing each other has got to have an NC-17 rating to it. I feel so. gross. just being in the same room as them and their STUPID EYE SEX. She is 100% into him -- it’s crazy that he can’t see it. Oh wait, that’s probably because of the THICK LAYER OF SEX SMOG he’s radiating at her. Ugh. Ugh. Gross. Definitely a shower as soon as they leave.

Caroline is just. Not. Getting it. Or any. At least not with Fitz.

Ew.

So confused though because if Fitz and Elizabeth (such a pretty name!) are like this now then what went wrong at Rosings? Because this ridiculously palpable sexual attraction isn’t the moment of one day. I know this look, you have to have pined for WEEKS to get to the point that you’re having EYE SEX in front of other people including YOUR SWEET, IMPRESSIONABLE BABY SISTER. (barf)

So I know that he’s been mooning over her and she’s obviously been mooning over HIM, why is this happening months later?

Hey, I will be a hundred dollars that Fitz won’t tell me.

Wait, she’s leaving already?

3:14 p.m. SOMEONE, and I'm not saying WHO, but their name rhymes with Sorsianna Farcy, locked Fitz and Elizabeth in the pantry. Don’t ask how I lured them in (pretended I couldn’t reach a shelf, _then_ pretended Fitz needed Elizabeth’s help. Classic ruse. It’s their own fault they fell for it, really) The pantry doesn't actually have a lock, but it turns out all those Pilates classes were good for something after all because I managed to shove Great Grandmother Beatrice's cherry credenza in front of the door. It's sink or kiss in there. He has to at least talk to her now.

4:09 p.m. That asshole climbed out the WINDOW to get "help." WHY does the pantry even HAVE a WINDOW???? The man is hopeless and I give up on him. He deserves to be single forever.

4:12 p.m. That’s not true. I love my brother more than anyone, but his unwillingness to ask for help, or talk, or bend even an inch is going to be the end of him. And then no one will carry on the family name and unless _I_ have kids our entire, ludicrous I might add,  fortune -- gotten who knows HOW, BTW -- will be inherited by Anne Miss Perfect De Burgh and I reFUSE to inflict her upon Mrs. Reynolds. So unless Fitz gets his act together it’s all on _me_ and I can’t handle that kind of pressure. I don’t want it. I might not even _have_ children. So _he_ has to deal.

4:23 p.m. Just occurred to me that, by the time Anne inherits Pemberley (which will literally be over my actual dead body), Mrs. Reynolds will have died already. Now I’m sad. I can’t imagine life without Mrs. R -- even if she likes Fitz better. She’s the closest thing I have to a mother.

Just talked to Mrs. R. She _doesn’t_ like Fitz better, she just thinks he sets the freakin’ sun. But she also thinks I hang the moon and I like that. I hang the moon. I HANG it. The moon. Then she gave me a hug and some biscuits and told me that I don’t have to do everything Fitz wants me to do. That I can set my own course if you will.  Which I knew in theory, but the last time I put it into practice it ended up in disaster. But that was years ago and I’m older now and, hopefully, wiser. I know a _lot_ more now than I did when I was a -- let’s face it, overly sheltered 15 year-old. I’ll have to give this some more thought.

Maybe I should pay Elizabeth a visit? It’s not creepy just to show up at her hotel room right? I mean, we’re friends now right?

 

**Friday August 7**

9:23 a.m. Well Elizabeth and her aunt and uncle have left town under v. mysterious circumstances and Darcy's all upset about it -- even more than just her leaving town -- but no one is TELLING ME ANYTHING even though I KNOW something’s up. It would be so much easier if the man would just talk to me instead of staring out of a window. I'll even wear curtains if it helps.

 

**Saturday August 8**

3:56 p.m. And now Fitz has gone, too. LEAVING ME TO ENTERTAIN HIS HOUSE GUESTS ALL BY MYSELF THANK YOU. They're not even really my friends. I mean, they're fine, but they're his friends and ugh... Suppose I should go downstairs and be, "gracious". Maybe suggest we play a round of Monopoly. That's usually good for cutting a visit short.

4:31 p.m. What part of the phrase, "I'm ALWAYS the car," do they NOT UNDERSTAND?

8:41 p.m. Heard from Fitz, he's going to be gone for a few days for some reason, which he still refuses to tell me about, but that's no surprise. He did say something about visiting an old friend, but Darcy doesn't have any friends who are not currently sitting in my back parlor eating me out of house and home. What gives? Oooohhh? Did he chase after Elizabeth?? But I thought she lives in Hertfordshire or something. Weird. But that's Darcy. Super weird.

 

**Monday August 17**

Midnight. Fitz came home entirely without Elizabeth and looking fairly hopeless. Now I feel bad about the whole shoving them into a pantry thing (I still maintain that she would have kissed him if he didn't CLIMB OUT THE BLOODY WINDOW. I mean what kind of message did that send her???? Sorry, I’d rather BREAK my LEG than be in a confined space with you. What an idiot.). His mood seems to have regressed to when he was at his lowest right after Rosings. Gonna leave some How to Date a Woman pamphlets lying around. If that doesn't work I'm stapling one to his forehead. Boy needs help and he’s not accepting mine.

 

**Thursday September 17**

9:23 a.m. Fitz is going to go back to Hertfordshire, which, YAY! But I don’t trust him not to royally mess this up.  Asked to go with him -- you know, to guide his sorry ass -- but he said not today. Not _today_ ? Does that mean _some_ day I will go or is he just putting me off? Again. Does he realize I’m an adult now? Like, legally I’m an adult and I can go out and do adult things like move out and pay rent -- not that I’ve done that, but I can. If I wanted to. He thinks I’m still 16. Well, 16 year-olds can drive! BRB looking up rental cars.

9:40 a.m. So you have to be 25 to rent a car? Why did I not insist on getting one of my own? It’s not like Pemberley is on the bus line. I can’t just ask the driver to drive me all the way to Meryton. I mean I can, but I’m not a jerk. This is ridiculous. I _have_ the money, I should just go buy one. Except I need a ride to the dealership… Hmm… BRB Googling “buying a car online.”

9:41 a.m. Not to sound conceited, but I would look a-freaking-DORable in a Mini Cooper. Ammirite? Or maybe a Beetle? It’s a toss up. Ooohh! Audis! What color can I get do you think?

9:43 a.m. See? This is why I can’t ask him to go with me because he’ll be all like SAFETY RATINGS and SIDE DOOR AIRBAGS and GAS MILEAGE and DEPENDABILITY when all I really need is just a small car that can get me from point A to Point B in a relatively safe and efficient manner. And all the information is on line. Yay.

9:50 a.m. I mean I _do_ want good gas mileage though. I’m stupid rich, but not completely irresponsible.

10:45 a.m. Six WEEKS for delivery?? What year is it FFS?? Why so long?

11:02 a.m. Bought it anyway. I need to be a strong, independent woman and I can’t do that if I’m bumming rides off my big brother like I’m in junior high. Decided on the Mini. Red. White stripes. Convertible. This girl isn’t gonna be left behind any more. And I’m gonna look damn cute, too.

 

**Wednesday September 23**

3:04 p.m. And he’s back. He’s progressed absolutely zero points with Elizabeth. I fear at this point we’re going to wind up like the women in Grey Gardens only instead of mother and daughter it’ll be brother and sister. Just wandering around Pemberley as it crumbles around us. He'll be staring out of the windows and I'll be sitting in my secret garden (the hedges have grown nearly two feet since we planted them) until we DIE. Whoever decides to make a movie about us can def use this journal for their script. If they can find anything worthwhile in it since Fitz has kept me in the dark about almost anything and all my secrets are in strict confidentiality with my therapist.

5:23 p.m. Got another pin tonight. Yay me. Though really, YAY ME!

9:26 p.m. Guess who’s engaged!! No, NOT FITZ DAMN HIM! But CHARLES! TO PRETTY GIRL! PRetty Girl, Elizabeth’s sister! Whose name is Jane! OMG?? YAY!  Hoping like heck Charles’ good luck rubs off on Fitz because he’s ready to burst from missing Elizabeth. But they’ll see each other at the wedding right?

Think I’ll be invited? I can go as Fitz’s plus one.

 

**Saturday October 3**

3:20 p.m. Aunt Cat keeps calling. Imma just let it go to voicemail and let Fitz deal with it later. Cannot stomach both her AND Mr. Grumpy Pants. The mood here is thick with depression. Cannot stand it much longer. I can’t live like this.

3:49 p.m. Thinking about law school actually. Fitz says I’m good at arguing, so why not get paid doing it?

5:53 p.m. Oh my GOD. She showed up? Aunt Cat is HERE and Fitz is getting the lecture of his life. They’re in the study now. I tried to listen in a bit, but when Great Great Grandfather Albert had this place built he got his money’s worth. The walls are _thick._  I can hear her shrill voice reverberating, but nothing distinct, and Fitz is just… silent. Normally he engages with her, but now he’s not. It’s creepy af. Think I should get him something stiff to drink? I know _I_ need something stiff to drink after answering the door to find Aunt FREAKING Cat standing there all aquiver with whatever the hell is bothering her today. But I don’t know if that’s just _me_ in general or if I’m reacting to the shock of finding AUNT CAT on my doorstep without any warning. It’s not even Halloween yet. I’m sure Fitz and my therapist will understand if I have just a little sip... No, wait, I CAN’T. ALL THE ALCOHOL IS IN THE STUDY. See? Nothing good comes from a visit from Aunt Cat. Why do we have to be related to her?

 

**Monday October 5**

7:34 p.m. So, like WHO'S ALL UP FOR A TRIP TO THE HERTFORDSHIRE?? APPARENTLY NOT ME. Fitz left AGAIN. Honestly, no wonder I allowed Wickham to -- ugh, nevermind, but is it really so surprising when no one is EVER home? It doesn't take a therapist to figure that one out. I-- hang on, Fitz is calling.

 

**Tuesday October 6**

7:39 p.m. GUESS WHO IS ON HER WAY TO HERTFORDSHIRE TO MEET UP WITH HER NEW FUTURE SISTER IN LAW!!! Boom! This girl! Cannot wait to see her again. I mean this is it, right? They’re going to settle down and have dork babies and I’ll be the bestest aunt in the WORLD.

BRB ordering a kazoo rn.

8:29 p.m. And I’m going to find a new place to live. No way I’m staying here in their SEX PALACE.

Ew.

It’s time I’m out on my own anyway.

 


End file.
